Five Months in Evans

Last Sunday was our official five month anniversary of living here in Evans. We were in the car, headed to Charlotte for our first out of town Strong Bonds retreat with the 782nd. I don't have a phone dump of all that we have been doing but rather chose to post a set of photos from yesterday (Sunday) of the kids out in the back yard, having the time of their lives.

We picked this house from internet pictures and a ten minute walk through after not even going inside any other houses. Somehow it just felt right. Is it perfect? No way, but the location was our number one priority. After that, the square footage, layout and bedrooms to bathrooms ratio is what we were after.

Where I see God's handprints all over this is in the fact that it is very important to us for our kids to have the "neighborhood" experience of getting to be in a neighborhood, meet friends and have that aspect of community. It is especially important to us now that we are homeschooling.

Equally important though, is that our kids get to live in a place where they can get outside and explore. In El Paso, there wasn't much by way of green grass, trees or woods. But even here in Georgia, it is easy to find homes that are in new construction neighborhoods where the entire subdivision has been bulldozed and you can't find a mature tree for miles. 

As a child, there is just something magical about being surrounded by the all encompassing majesty of lots and lots of trees. And an added bonus? A small creek. I could not be more blessed to realized that the Lord led us to the perfect house for us. (Did I mention it also has a screened in porch?)

When we moved here in the summer, every tree was in full bloom, rendering its most lush and full leaves and branches. In fact, you couldn't even see much past the creek because of how heavily wooded the rest of our property is. That didn't stop the kids. They were out in the creek, stomping around and enjoying the outdoors.

But now that the seasons have changed, there are new and different things to enjoy.  And oh, isn't that just as true for life? It would be boring and dreary to experience only one season always. The beauty and wonder of life is found when we can appreciate fresh perspectives and changing landscapes.

So yesterday, Thomas, Mae and Kate set outside in their boots and hats, and proceeded to spend the next six hours (along with some neighbors) working on their fort. They had rakes and tools. They poured their hearts out planning and preparing just the perfect spot.

I am fairly certain that nothing ever materialized by way of an actual fort, but their planning and dreaming and work satisfied them just the same.

So much so that they are planning to get back out there today and keep working. They are willing to work again today for hours while their compatriots are sitting in their desks at Riverside Elementary. Maybe the neighbors will join them later this afternoon, or just maybe, they have already forgotten about this illustrious pipe dream of the perfect fort space.

Regardless, I am so happy that our family is able to enjoy this open space. If you look out our front door, you see a regular neighborhood, just like most.  But when you step off our screened in porch out back, you realize that we have an almost magical oasis where dreams can be dreamed and forts can be built, and memories can be made.

This quotation is lengthy, but it is from the introduction of a book I read the first year we started to home school the kids. The book, Last Child in the Woods thoroughly helped to shape my own philosophy of education to include a primarily Charlotte Mason method. See it below:

"Our society is teaching young people to avoid direct experience in nature. That lesson is delivered in schools, families, even organizations devoted to the outdoors, and codified into the legal and regulatory structures of many of our communities. Our institutions, urban/suburban design, and cultural attitudes unconsciously associate nature with doom—while disassociating the outdoors from joy and solitude. Wellmeaning public-school systems, media, and parents are effectively scaring children straight out of the woods and fields. In the patent-or-perish environment of higher education, we see the death of natural history as the more hands-on disciplines, such as zoology, give way to more theoretical and remunerative microbiology and genetic engineering. Rapidly advancing technologies are blurring the lines between humans, other animals, and machines. The postmodern notion that reality is only a construct—that we are what we program—suggests limitless human possibilities; but as the young spend less and less of their lives in natural surroundings, their senses narrow, physiologically and psychologically, and this reduces the richness of human experience.

Yet, at the very moment that the bond is breaking between the young and the natural world, a growing body of research links our mental, physical, and spiritual health directly to our association with nature—in positive ways. Several of these studies suggest that thoughtful exposure of youngsters to nature can even be a powerful form of therapy for attention-deficit disorders and other maladies. As one scientist puts it, we can now assume that just as children need good nutrition and adequate sleep, they may very well need contact with nature.

Reducing that deficit—healing the broken bond between our young and nature—is in our self-interest, not only because aesthetics or justice demands it, but also because our mental, physical, and spiritual health depends upon it. The health of the earth is at stake as well. How the young respond to nature, and how they raise their own children, will shape the configurations and conditions of our cities, homes—our daily lives. The following pages explore an alternative path to the future, including some of the most innovative environment—based school programs; a reimagining and redesign of the urban environment-what one theorist calls the coming "zoopolis"; ways of addressing the challenges besetting environmental groups; and ways that faith-based organizations can help reclaim nature as part of the spiritual development of children. Parents, children, grandparents, teachers, scientists, religious leaders, environmentalists, and researchers from across the nation speak in these pages. They recognize the transformation that is occurring. Some of them paint another future, in which children and nature are reunited—and the natural world is more deeply valued and protected." {Richard Louv}

So much of the literature that the kids and I have read over the past four years has proven the point that being outdoors is good for the soul. I'm thinking of Heidi's friend Clara who was cured of her physical ailments from spending a summer in the Alps. I am also thinking about Mary Lennox's friend in the Secret Garden, Colin Craven who literally came to life after spending hours in the garden. There's further proof of this in Black Beauty, Swiss Family Robinson, Treasure Island and the list goes on and on.

As usual, I have gone on and on and maybe this doesn't make sense or apply to anyone else, but I just hope my children are making memories that will last for their lifetimes. I know I still cherish memories of roaming my childhood neighborhood and all of the antics we got into with our neighbors.

I'm grateful to live in Georgia, in Hardy Pointe, on Sussex Drive. I am grateful for this season. Not just the season of fall, but this season of our lives. 

I can't believe that this time next month, we will have been here half a year already. Man, time sure does fly when you're having fun. 

For When You Don't Feel Like Dancing...

Back when I was in college in the late 1990s (ahem, has it been that long?!?) my roommates and I choreographed and put on a wonderful Christmas dance to Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas Is You..."

It was a dance in four parts and my friends Jamie, Jennifer and I were the steady three and our fourth was made up of our other roommate at the time (Beth, Wendy, Rebekah and I think Emily even filled in a few times).

I don't mean to brag, but this dance was kind of a big deal. Let's just say that there were some life size candy canes involved and the dance featured high, high energy, Rockette kicks, a peel off and some pretty elaborate footwork like the Chinese Checkers and portions of some old cheerleading routines. There may have also been a pyramid!

{***edited to add*** Last night, after re-reading this I was reminded that we also included what was called The Box from an Eric Nies dance/aerobics video called The Grind: Fitness with Flava.}

We also hosted a yearly Christmas dinner for our then boyfriends or crushes and we'd make them dinner and then force them showcase our fun dance. But we didn't wait for that specific dinner to do the dance; basically we'd do it for anyone who would come by our apartment. I could literally sit here and list close to 50 people we have performed for. Each year, the dance grew more popular, more elaborate and more professional looking perfected.

I love the memories of these college days and the good times involved in learning and practicing and performing that dance. I love it so much that when I became a mother, as a gift to my children, I perform that dance for my own kids as a way of kicking off the Christmas season so to speak.

A few years into the gig, I began teaching the girls the steps and now they do parts of the dance right along with me. It's basically our warm up music to getting into the Christmas spirit.

These photographs (and memories) will serve as fodder for the hours of therapy my kids will need when they are older. I can hear the counselor now, "So your mother did a dance full of high kicks and expected you to join in every Christmas before you'd decorate the tree? Tell me how that made you feel..."

Anyway.

As most of our friends and family know by now, Ryan left for a nine-month deployment to Afghanistan only two days before Christmas in 2012.

Man, it was tough. For weeks leading up to that Christmas I was faking smiles and pretending to be okay with the separation, but on the inside my heart was breaking. I did my dance, but I didn't mean it.

I literally couldn't hear Christmas carols without breaking down in tears...

"Have Your Self a Merry Little Christmas..." (nope)

"I'll Be Home For Christmas...if the fates allow..." (well forget you 'fate,' in 2012 you didn't allow)

I held things together for the kids, but I absolutely did NOT look forward to Christmas in 2012. We had to change up everything. We opened gifts on December 17 and it felt fake and manufactured to do "Santa" so early. And the tension of the deployment was almost palatable. It's this weird dynamic of "please just go ahead and leave, rip off the bandaid" and yet, "please don't leave, I can't stand not having you in my arms for nine months."

And on the morning of December 23, we took Ryan to his building and said our goodbyes. 

On Christmas Eve he was praying at a military welcome center before they took off from U.S. soil.

I made a pathetic little Christmas dinner for me and the kids and fought back tears. I was giving myself nearly constant pep-talks of "YOU CAN DO THIS. YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. THIS IS HAPPENING. SO SUCK IT UP."

After a dinner that no one ate, we went to a Christmas Eve candlelight service on Fort Bliss.

 {the world's bravest children}

 The next morning we drove to the airport and planned to land in Chattanooga around 5:00 pm on Christmas Day.

But that was not to be. What began as a delay and short layover turned into an entirely shut down airport at Dallas/Fort Worth. We were in that airport from 2:00 pm, until after 2:00 am where we finally found a flight that would get us as close as Atlanta. My awesome dad drove to pick us up at nearly 4:00 am.

Sleeping at the airport with thousands of your closest friends really is the suckiest thing you could imagine. Except the kids were the only ones who slept. Do you really think I'm leaving those babies unattended in a strange airport brimming with strangers? Not on your life.

Anyway I say alllllllllll of that to say that our Christmas in 2012 wasn't the best on record. It started the beginning of a long separation from Ryan. And I just knew that by 2013 I was going to be so happy to celebrate Christmas.

However, when the holiday season for 2013 rolled around, I literally could NOT find my joy.

*****

Looking back, I know it was a combination of Ryan's re-integration into the home that was still in process. It was also one of our busiest fall seasons on record with travel, vacations and many, many visitors. It was also one of another long, somewhat stressful trips home that would last almost an entire month.

Christmas 2013 brought up all those old feelings of fear, worry, anxiety and restlessness that I dealt with the year before. And I'll be honest, those feelings stumped me.

WHY IN THE WORLD could I not be happy?
Ryan was home this year for crying out loud?
Why could I not rejoice in that fact?
Or the fact that we were visiting family for a long, long trip?
I don't know (and may never know) the answers.

But Christmas 2013 didn't feel like Christmas to me.

I didn't send out Christmas cards (which I have done every year since 2001).
I didn't put up our Christmas tree (which I have done every year since 2001).

And I didn't feel like doing my dance.

In 2013 I didn't feel like celebrating, or rejoicing, or dancing. No, not at all. Not in the least.

*****

And although I am eternally thankful that the Lord saw me through that season, I know that there are so very many hurting people this time of year.

The reasons are varied. 

Some are dealing with the loss of unborn children. Others are dealing with children sick in the hospital undergoing life saving chemotherapy. Some are grieving the loss of loved ones or mourning the changes of aging parents. Another walks with her mother through the journey of a diagnosis.

Some people are lonely through divorce or separation. Others may be dealing with depression or sadness over a move or new transition. 

For whatever reason, there has been a loss of hope. And if you're in that predicament, well, frankly, it stinks! 

And while I don't know the outcome of your particular situation, I know the One who does. I know the One who is Faithful and True. He can be a Restorer of Joy and a Giver of Life even in the midst of pain and suffering or confusion. 

Last year, during advent I read through Dietrich Bonhoeffer's God Is In the Manger: Reflections on Advent and Christmas. The first section of the book deals with the theme of waiting. Oh how difficult it is to wait when we don't see the end in sight. Oh how hard it is to trust Him when we don't know the outcome.

In a letter to his fiancee Maria von Wedemeyer in 1943, Bonhoeffer writes:

"I think we're going to have an exceptionally good Christmas. The very fact that every outward circumstance precludes our making provision for it will show whether we can be content with what is truly essential. I used to be very fond of thinking up and buying presents, but now that we have nothing to give, the gift God gave us in the birth of Christ will seem all the more glorious; the emptier our hands, the better we understand what Luther meant by his dying words: 'We're beggars; it's true.' The poorer our quarters, the more clearly we perceive that our hearts should be Christ's home on earth." 

In that excerpt, I am reminded that God can still be glorified when we have nothing left to give. The more empty, broken, hollow and lost we may feel, the more He can be exalted and His name can be lifted high. In our waiting, we learn to depend on the grace, mercy and faithfulness of a Holy God.

I love Psalm 62:5-8. It says:

"For God alone my soul waits in silence, for my hope is from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress. I shall not be shaken. On God rests my deliverance and my honor; my mighty rock, my refuge is in God. Trust him in all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us." 

Maybe this year you are in a place of grief. Perhaps the elusive joy of the holidays is already escaping your grasp. Possibly this year, you just don't have it in your heart to break out your giant candy canes and do your dance. I know last year, I didn't.

It's okay. When Jesus came to this earth over 2,000 years ago, he didn't come here dancing and high kicking. He came by way of a manger.

Maybe this is your year to hide in Him. Set aside your dancing shoes. You may find them again next year. For now, just abide. Just wait. Enjoy His mercy.

*****

"God is near to lowliness; he loves the lost, the neglected, the unseemly, the excluded, the weak and broken." {D.B.}

*****

He can be a Restorer of Joy and a Giver of Life. And He is!

Merry Christmas Thomas, Mae and Kate. Your mother loves you.

Other Tennessee Fun

The *real* reason we came to Tennessee was officially as a TDY for Ryan to speak at PTS. 

Ryan did a great job! I was so proud of him (as I always am)!

Again, we are so thankful to be so close to home. And even more so, we are grateful for the love and support of our families who came out to support Ryan. I didn't get pictures with my mom and dad, sister or Aunt Karen and Uncle Bill, but we sure appreciated them coming to hear Ryan too.

Ryan spoke in a class at Lee on Monday, had the seminary chapel service and board meeting Tuesday and two more classes to speak in at seminary on Thursday. He and I both drove to Cleveland in separate vehicles so we'd each have the freedom to get around town as needed.

I brought W.A.C.K. mobile with us and we did school work a few days to stay on track for this quarter. The kids also had some great time outside to explore at Nana and Granddaddy's house.

Why the long face? 

In some of his down time, Ryan killed not one, but two deer. One doe (which is now burgers, ground venison and straps in our freezer) and this buck that will be added to our freezer on our next trip home. And by *our* freezer, I mean Ryan. It's hard for me to eat little Bambi anything that has stared me in the eyes.

We tackled our into to cells by making an edible cell. Some may say it's wise to do this as a final activity. I say, no way! Start with the fun, edible project and hook your students. Then they will have a frame of reference when we dig a little deeper.

As our trip was drawing to a close, Mae celebrated her actual birthday (November 13) and I can hardly believe our little Mae*Mae is growing up so quickly.

In addition to lots of sister time with Mere, lunch with my mom, dinner with Jamie and Emily, coffee with my cousin Jeni, the kids and I were able to meet up with Athena and her kids for dinner too. I'm so glad to see these friends (and family) more now that we aren't so far away.

And Friday morning, Nana got one last hug on her way to school. We enjoyed some family time hanging with Nana and Granddaddy in the evenings.

Ryan drove back Friday morning, but the kids and I drove down to Chattanooga and spent the night at my mom and dad's house along with my sister Meredith and her two kids, Knox and Marlee. It was a short visit, but we just hung around the house, Mom cooked and we lounged and visited. The best!

Thomas, Mae, Kate and I arrived back home late Saturday afternoon (well before the start of the Georgia game) and after we dropped our stuff at the house, I ran out for groceries. I got this stuff that I am beyond excited about using! I don't know why, but I just really trust Amish people. Also, "as seen on TV" and Amish people who don't have electricity. Irony.

Saturday night, through some group texting, we discovered that many people in my family were all wearing their "Ditter Ditters.) It's cold outside and we have got to keep our tootsies warm.

Before I'd gotten home, Ryan had my tree set up and my Christmas decor boxes unloaded from the attic. After chapel Sunday morning, I got to work getting the house Christmas-i-fied. We leave town (again) this coming Sunday and are having company the day after Thanksgiving (when I normally put up my tree). I was just ready to get it up so we can enjoy it. I didn't put one up last year and it has been killing me to wait. I may have also addressed my Christmas cards.

We went with the 9 foot tree and I am glad we did. I love it.